


Precious Things Like Love

by fanonorcanon



Series: Dragon Age Ficlets [15]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Abortion, Drabble, F/M, Getting Back Together, Masturbation, Mild Angst, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-08 23:06:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20843522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanonorcanon/pseuds/fanonorcanon





	Precious Things Like Love

I feel like such a fool. The words left echoes in her head as she sat on the bed the words rung true, but now for her. Hawke sighed and took the shortcut to Darktown from the basement of the estate. The lanterns were unlit but she knocked anyway. 

“Anders? It’s Hawke. I was hoping to speak to you. Alone.”

Anders opened the door a crack and ushered her inside.

“Is everything alright? You seem distressed. Are you in need of healing? If you have any lyrium potions we can start right away, otherwise you may have to come back tomorrow,” Anders spoke quickly.

“I think I’m pregnant,” she blurted out.

“Oh, a check up then?” Anders began rolling up his sleeves.

“I don’t want to keep it,” she whispered.

“If that is your wish. Have you told anyone else?”

“No, and I’d rather this went no further, Anders. Please,” Hawke said wearily. She felt stretched too thin as it was. Pulled this way and that for the needs of the people, molding herself to their whims and desires. The ‘Champion’ of Kirkwall was not an easy mantle to bear. 

“Not even the father then?” Anders asked while he rooted around making preparations.

“Especially not the father.”

“You’ll get no judgement from me, Hawke.”

“Thank you, Anders. You’re a very dear friend.”

He smiled warmly then was all business. “Lie down on the exam bed, please? Are you familiar at all with this process?”

She shook her head.

“Ah well, at what I’m assuming is such an early stage it shouldn’t be too invasive. I do have to check first for proof that the process is even necessary. Can you unbutton your shirt, please? Skin to skin contact may be better for this, if you don’t mind.”

“It’s fine,” she murmured.

Anders closed his eyes and laid both hands flat against the area below her navel. It reminded her of the times her father convinced his children that he could divine the location of water. They both had a similar solemn expression. She threw an arm over her face when she felt the tears fill her eyes. Family. It had always meant so much to her. Bethany was in the Circle now and Carver had joined the templars shortly after to watch over their sister. She didn’t often dare to remember what had happened to their mother. It was all too much to bear right now.

“Hawke?” Anders asked, interrupting her rapidly spiraling mood.

“Just be done with it.”

“It can’t be undone, are you certain?”

“Yes. And the recipe for witherstalk tea for the road, please,” she sighed. “I’d rather not do this again.” 

“It’s a difficult choice for some, I’ve seen.”

“The alternative is unthinkable. At least for now.”

Hawke righted her clothes and stood up slowly, as Anders had recommended. 

“I appreciate your discretion, Anders, truly.”

“I will always keep your secrets, Hawke,” Anders said. “Are you sure you don’t need an escort? It’s not an easy thing to walk away from. Physically I mean.” 

“I’ll be fine,” Hawke reassured him.

* * *

They hugged and she gently made her way to the shortcut back to the estate. By the time she entered the vault she was shivering uncontrollably. And upon reaching the hall, she fell to her knees and swore when she saw a familiar flash of white hair.

“Andrea,” Fenris was at her side as swiftly as he was in battle. He smoothed her hair away from her face. “Are you alright?”

“Just a little under the weather,” she whispered warmly. She caressed his cheek. “You came back.”

“Why are you shivering? Where have you been?” _Fenris had been worried for her_. She tried not to smile. “If someone has done something to you, they will not live to regret it,” he finished fiercely.

“Can you help me to my room, please? We can talk there, Fenris. Orana, can you please fetch us some tea?”

“Of course Mistress.”

“Just Hawke is fine, Orana,” Andrea huffed with a smile.

“Yes, Lady Hawke,” Orana replied.

Andrea smiled wryly to herself. Though she’d been employing Orana for several months and still the girl insisted on formalities, she could not fault her for it. Fenris guided her to her bedroom with a confidence one could mistake as familiarity. She privately hoped Fenris would be a regular visitor from now on. They sat in silence by the fire until Orana had come and gone.

“Has something happened, Hawke?” Fenris asked.

“I’ll be alright, Fenris. Was there a reason for your visit? Not that I’m unhappy to see you! It’s uh, it is good to see you. I just didn’t think you’d want to-” she sighed. “I’m bad at this. Apologies.”

Fenris frowned but said nothing. 

“You’re important to me, Fenris. That will never change. If you… that is, if you wish to not speak of that night please know that I understand.”

“I’d prefer it if you were honest, Hawke.”

“Pardon?” She chuckled, but was confused.

“You’re clearly not fine, and I’m not sure why you would lie about it.”

“Oh. Um, it’s- I don’t want to trouble you.”

“It’s more troubling that you refuse to talk about it.”

“I hadn’t been feeling quite myself lately so I went to see Anders.”

“Are you unwell?“ He frowned.

“I’m fine,” she lied.

“So you went to see the apostate,” Fenris murmured, mostly to himself. “And what did he have to say about your health?“

“Fit as a fiddle,” she huffed out a laugh that was far from genuine.

He nodded. “Then why was it you collapsed in the hallway?”

“I was relieved to see you?” It came out as more of a question than a statement. 

“Hawke, I know that things have… changed between us, but must you shut me out like this?” Fenris implored her.

“I don’t wish to talk about it, is all. Everyone has their secrets, Fenris. Even me.” Hawke smiled thinly. 

“I see.”

The silence that followed felt uncomfortable, it was the kind they’d shared when they’d only just met. Hawke had flirted clumsily even then.

“Is there something you need help with? You need only ask.”

“Not currently.”

“You came just to see me?” Hawke asked feigning confidence she was certain she’d never feel again.

“I did,” Fenris said, voice low.

Hawke had dropped her tea cup, the contents spilling down the front of her robes. She swore and set the empty cup back on its saucer with a clatter. “Would you like to stay for lunch?” Hawke cleaned the stain and dried her robes with her magic. When she looked up, Fenris was staring at her frowning. “Is there something wrong?”

“Your magic is different now,“ he murmured.

"Different how?”

“Any magic cast near me ripples the veil, I can always feel it tug at the brands on my skin.”

“And my magic no longer does that?”

“Try again? Something small, if you please.”

Hawke let a flame dance across her palm and looked up at Fenris hopefully.

“Stop,” he ground out.

“I can refrain from using magic in your presence in the future if it makes you uncomfortable, Fenris.” She’d been so cautious in her casting before, relying instead on simple bolts aided by her staff and the occasional healing or barrier spell. 

“Is it blood magic? Not you too,” Fenris looked ill at the notion.

“It’s not blood magic! After everything with my mother, you think I’d resort to such a thing?” Andrea felt as sick as Fenris looked.

“I can see no other option. What is it if not blood magic? A contract with some demon? Tell me truly, are you still the Hawke I knew?”

“Leave,” she choked out. “If all you’re here to do is to accuse me- just leave. If you actually need something, perhaps you’ll have a cooler head tomorrow.” Hawke rubbed at her eyes.

Fenris slammed the door behind him after he’d left. She should have told him the truth of it. Though telling him after he’d left her that night seemed the worst sort of manipulation. Andrea climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. 

When she awoke it was to Orana’s worried cries as she shook her awake. “Mistress, are you alright? Should I call for Messere Anders? Are you unwell?”

“I’ll be fine. I promise.” Andrea slipped into unconsciousness longing for a comfort she’d never know; Fenris’ arms around her.

* * *

“I wonder how Fenris is doing,” Isabela mused. Hawke and the rest of her companions were playing Wicked Grace in her estate, the wine cellar properly raided for such an occasion. “He hasn’t been to one of our game nights in some time.”

“I hadn’t noticed,” Hawke replied with feigned disinterest.

* * *

Sebastian pulled Hawke to the side after everyone had left. “A word, Hawke?”

She nodded and led him to her study.

“So what did you want to discuss, Sebastian? None of our friends are harassing you I hope.”

“No more than usual, and nothing I cannot handle. Instead I thought to ask if you wanted to talk about whatever it is that’s bothering you. We can call it confession if you’d like, regardless I swear to keep whatever you say between the two of us.”

“Thank you, Sebastian. That really means a lot to me,” she said while sniffling a little. “Is tonight alright?” She whispered.

“Of course.”

“Where to start,” she chuckled nervously. “I’m in love with Fenris.”

“To an outsider it appears that he feels quite strongly for you as well, Hawke.”

“We were together, intimately, for the first time almost a year ago.” _Not that she’d kept track, what a foolish thing to do._ “He expressed concern over things moving too fast, that it was too much. Then he left. A few weeks later I’d learned that I was pregnant.”

Sebastian went a bit pale. “Was that before or after you fought with the Arishok?”

“I didn’t keep it, suppose it was for the best.” She remembered dangling on the end of the Arishok’s blade, the scar spanned from just under her breast to her opposing hip. The wound likely would have snuffed out the life of such a newly formed babe. Sebastian visibly relaxed. “Sometimes I wonder if I could have done something different. Perhaps he would have stayed by my side if I’d said the right thing, if I hadn’t asked him to stay the night. Just another regret to add to the long list of my life,” she finished bitterly. 

“We cannot change the past, that much is true. Have you tried speaking to Fenris about it?”

Hawke shook her head. “I can’t imagine it’s a night he looks on fondly, not any more. I didn’t want him to relive it. He’d said he’d regained his memories but that the harder he tried to grasp at them the faster they slipped away like water in an open palm. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for him.”

“I could try asking him about his intentions, if that is amenable.”

“Just promise me one thing?”

“Anything.”

“Don’t tell me what he says. At this point I’m not sure which would be more disappointing,” Hawke grimaced.

“Even if he responds favorably?” Sebastian's brows arched upwards.

“Don’t push him into things he doesn’t want, please. I understand that I haven’t been quite the same since, but I would imagine it would only lead to heartbreak for us both.”

“As you say, Hawke.” Sebastian smiled sadly and squeezed her hand before he left.

* * *

Sebastian waited a week before he paid a visit to Fenris. 

“I simply wish to know what your intentions with Hawke are,” Sebastian repeated.

“And as **_I’ve_** said, it’s none of your concern,” Fenris spat.

“Perhaps I intend to woo her, if not I certainly Anders or Isabela, Merrill, perhaps even Aveline finds interest in her. I do recall Cullen staring longingly.”

Fenris averted his gaze but scowled all the same.

“Why do you still wear her favor, Fenris?”

“To remember the night we shared,” he murmured. “I don’t expect you to understand. There are things you do not know. I hurt Hawke _deeply_, I cannot undo the pain I caused her… but it was the best night I’ve ever known. She’s the only good thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t wish to forget that.”

Sebastian nodded. “You may be giving her hope. I’m uncertain if that was your intention, but she may think that-”

Fenris cut her favor from his wrist without a word. “Will you leave me in peace now?” 

Sebastian shook his head and stood to leave. “You know where to find me. And by that same measure you know where to find her.”

Fenris growled, his anger spiking. He threw a wine bottle at the wall after Sebastian had shut the door behind him. The sound of breaking glass did little to lift his spirits. Fenris curled the scarlet colored silk around his fingers and kissed it softly. He tucked the fabric away safely in a drawer by his bed. Perhaps it was time to let her go, to let her find happiness elsewhere.

* * *

Fenris joined the next games night at the Hawke estate. Andrea’s eyes drifted to his bare wrist but she said nothing, instead only gave him a weak smile and welcomed him in. 

Fenris had expected to lose _some_ money, but the rest of their group had collectively decided to clean him out. He probably deserved it. To all appearances, he’d toyed with Hawke’s heart. All of them were fond of her in one way or another, it was no wonder that they had closed ranks around him. 

“Nothing left to bet, elf?” Varric snarked after Hawke had ventured down to the wine cellar to refresh their supply.

“He doesn’t even have a favor to wager with,” Merrill said.

“Shame, that,” Isabela drawled.

“Can’t you all just leave it alone?” Fenris growled.

“Why would we do something like that?” Anders asked with a grin.

Sebastian said nothing, he only frowned at Fenris.

“What do you all want me to say?” Fenris spat.

“An apology to her might be nice,” Aveline said.

“You think I haven’t?”

“She just looks so sad all the time,” Merrill said.

“And there’s the longing glances,” Varric muttered. 

“You’d think he’d get her with child the way he fucks her with his eyes when she isn’t looking,” Isabela chuckled.

Sebastian and Anders winced. Doubly so when everyone heard the sound of bottles crashing to the floor.

Hawke stood across the room, looking stricken. She said nothing but retreated into the kitchen to get a mop and broom.

Her companions all looked imploringly at one another. Sebastian nodded and went after her.

Fenris frowned and got up to leave.

“Do you really think leaving is the best idea?” Varric asked with a hand on Fenris’ arm.

“Sebastian is more than equipped to lift her spirits,” Fenris said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Isabela asked.

“I knew you weren’t the sharpest about matters of the heart, but really elf?” Varric sighed.

“He’s a better match than I,” Fenris growled, wrenching his arm out of Varric’s grasp and left without another word.

“I’d wager a silver she heard that,” Isabela whispered.

“He certainly knows how to put his foot in it. I’ll see you all soon,” Aveline said, bid them farewell and left.

“You ready to head home, Daisy?” Varric asked.

Merrill nodded and they departed as well.

“You staying?” Isabela asked Anders.

Anders nodded. “I wanted to speak with Hawke alone.”

Isabela waggled her brows.

“Nothing so lurid as I’m sure you’re thinking,” Anders chuckled.

“Well if you feel like a little something lurid, you know where to find me,” Isabela winked and left.

Sebastian led Hawke down onto a bench in the kitchen. 

Andrea sighed but said nothing. 

“Are you alright?” Sebastian asked.

“Seems I’m all out of tears,” Hawke said. 

“I wonder what it is you see in him,” Sebastian said with a small grin.

“It’s harder to tell everyday, isn’t it?” Hawke sighed and smiled.

“To the rest of us, yes, I believe so.”

“I think I should pay him a visit. Get it all sorted out. I’m tired of things being awkward for everyone.”

Sebastian nodded and began to leave.

* * *

“Anders? Are you alright? I thought everyone had left.” Sebastian said with raised brows.

“I’d meant to have a word with Hawke but now that I think of it, I should have realized it’s a bad time.” Anders said. His cheeks seemed a little pink.

“Do you need someone to escort you home?”

“I’d only be taking the tunnel through Hawke’s basement,” Anders said. 

“Are you sure you’re alright? You’re a bit red. Do you need some water?” 

“I’m fine. I haven’t drank that much,” Anders chuckled. “But I won’t say no if a handsome man wants to escort me home.”

It was Sebastian’s turn to blush. “Shall we leave then?”

* * *

Hawke stood in front of Fenris’ door. When she finally knocked Fenris answered with his sword drawn.

“Andr- Hawke, what are you doing here?”

“I thought we should talk, may I come in?”

Fenris nodded. Hawke closed the door behind her. She strode further into the house and sat at his table. She noticed her favor on the table.

“You kept it?” She murmured.

Fenris nodded. The silence stretched on for almost an hour until he found the nerve to break it. “What did you want to talk about?”

“It’s been awkward for our friends and I didn’t want to cause them any further discomfort.”

“That’s what this is about? _Their_ discomfort?” He frowned.

“What _should_ it be about?” Her smile lacked its usual mirth.

“I will endeavor to make it less awkward in the future.”

Hawke nodded and stood, taking her favor with her.

“Don’t go.” His plea was little more than a whisper. 

“Do I have reason to stay?” She didn't dare hope-

“I have little to offer you, Andrea. I cannot promise you a comfortable future. All I’ve ever known is pain and uncertainty. You deserve so much more; love, passion, selfless devotion… but I cannot bear to be without you. I am yours, always.”

She wrapped her arms around him tight and fought back tears she didn’t know she had left.

“I was a fool. I should have stayed.”

Andrea nodded, she didn’t know what to say. The ache she felt over it in her heart had lessened over time but still stung every now and then. She pulled away and took Fenris’ arm. He looked at her, puzzled. She smiled and tied the favor around his wrist. When she finished he pulled her close and kissed her forehead.

“Stay tonight?” He murmured.

“Of course,” she replied.

* * *

They’d been reunited for over a year and in that time much had happened in their lives. But little had happened between them aside from heated kisses in the dark. Andrea didn’t want to push him. He’d been through much, she didn’t want to dredge up any unpleasant memories with intimacy that Fenris wasn’t ready for. She felt tense, her muscles tight. Even the hot water of her bath wasn’t helping. She heated the water a bit more with her magic and lay back. Maybe it was time to take her pleasure into her own hands. She caressed her body gently imagining the night all those years ago. Fenris’ hands over her skin, his expression reverent and hungry. Andrea spread her legs a bit wider and teased open her lips. She found herself whimpering Fenris’ name when she finally came.

Fenris dropped the pile of folded clothes he was carrying when he heard Andrea cry out his name in the throes of her ecstasy. He swore and felt his face and ears go hot. His cock throbbed and strained at the seam of his trousers. Hawke _desired_ him, that much was certain. He refolded the dropped clothes hastily and set them on a table. He snuck into the privy and unlaced his pants. The cool air brought little relief to his hardened length. Fenris swore in Tevene and stroked himself to completion. Her name sat heavy on his tongue but he bit his lip to stifle his cry. The thought of her tender smile all those years ago once he’d been fully seated inside her brought him over the edge.


End file.
